Listening to the radio...the host is talking about how she lost her parent...and how she walked through her grief. As a psycho therapist, she felt compelled to seek out help and support for herself. She mentioned that in other cultures it is a "given" that everyone take at least one year to grieve before they even think about getting back into what would resemble a "normal" life. She also admitted that the first year (or more) she would frequently find herself howling- yep howling- as she walked around her house. Her therapeutic training taught her that she HAD to get what she was feeling out of her system and let it flow through. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. That we want to howl and wail and gnash is true. Whether we allow ourselves to take that cathartic emotional dump or not seems key to regaining/maintaining balance and emotional stability.
You never hear people say they HOWL...most hide behind a facade of emotional vacuousness. As my cousin Lori says humans drift in the shallows in a raft on the river of denial. Who admits they're in pain? We think no one wants to hear it and truth is... raw expressions of emotion make most folks REALLY uncomfortable. We're experts at offering platitudes of upliftment.. but who are we trying to relieve with our words? The person who is grieving or our own uncomfortability with their nakenessness? I have discovered, through first hand experience with death, that when I've been in that numb space there are no words that can save me- let alone pierce the outer wall of my inertia. And that's why grief borders on depression.
When my father died, I'd go through waves of emotion. One minute I'd be fine and the next my stomach would knot up. I'd feel a wave of nausea hit me. Interestingly, these waves had absolutely nothing to do with what I was thinking at the moment. Just BANG! Seasickness...stomach rolls. Whatever it is running through me, I'm pretty sure that if I can't predict when this wave of emotion is coming or going, it's so unconscious that the LEAST I can do is try to let it just roll through. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that if I try to block it or stiffle it...odds are good that it's going to bite me in the ass latter in the form of physical illness from repression. So I'm not willing to go there.
When we lose a parent we are dealing with primal issues and it's ok to be broken and suffer. We need to go underground for a while to feel stuff. It's deep and profound and doesn't have a time limit on it. We're allowed to grieve.
Eye yi yi yie...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Aunt Jean becomes an angel on October 19, 2009
My Aunt Jean made her appointment with eternity last night and slid into infinity quietly and peacefully with family at her side. Her breathing problems are now a thing of the past and she is no longer tethered to an oxygen tank or a motorized cart. That is good.
The first time I ever touched a Ouija board was with my Aunt Jean. It was 1980 and she and I had a glass of white wine at her Mobley Street kitchen table, while we "talked" to her father in law aka my Grandpa Haskell. He kept writing out "Love the boys, love the boys, love the boys" with the pointer. He was concerned for her four sons who she was raising single handedly. It was my first hands on exposure to other worldliness...and it was fascinating.
Over the years, my aunt proved to be a great conduit for all things metaphysical. Like the time she was hypnotized and recorded a past life regression in Los Angeles. I vaguely remember hearing the tape the gist of which was that she had previously lived during the late 1800's as Rosa Calderone- a spoiled beauty and daughter of a wealthy Mexican rancher. She recalled the day she watched her brothers, father and lover Fernando ride off into the sunset on horseback to fight. She recounted her anger at having her life disrupted by war and losing the love of her life in battle. She said that she had died of pneumonia in her mid twenties.
Last January, I had the chance to spend the better part of a day catching up with Aunt Jean in San Diego. We talked about life, death and the afterlife. I shared a vivid out of body experience I'd had and offered it up as my rationale for no longer fearing that we're snuffed out at death. Instead I'm sure that our consciousness doesn't require a physical form to maintain our identity. While she said that she'd not dabbled with astral projection, she was nevertheless quite sure that our soul continues on and said that she wasn't afraid to die. She admitted that she was ready to go and were it not for the fact that she thought it would be hard on her children to lose their mother she'd have no angst about leaving.
My father used to retell the story of driving to Cottage Hill the morning Jean, loading her VW with possessions and kids, was preparing to hit the road and head west. Where she was going to land she wasn't sure but she knew that she wanted to live in a sunny warm climate. My father said he cried as he watched her drive off. His thoughts were fear mixed with exhilaration. He admired her spunk and I believe half envied the explorer she was daring to be.
My Aunt Jean.
I loved her and I will miss her. San Diego won't be the same without her anymore than Lake George is the same without Jack or John. Death does suck for those of us left standing here. It's a crappy system to grow to love people just to have them ripped away. Who is responsible for this design flaw?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Dream dream dream a little dream of me
Joan and I were driving in her black Cadillac down a Vermont country road. As we rounded a bend Joan started to tear up saying that she had seen my father at the rest area we were passing in a dream. Fearing Joan couldn't cry and drive I suggested we pull into the rest stop to see if Dad was there. When we got out of the car our group assembled on the curb deciding to go into the adjacent restaurant to look for Jack. We decided to split up to casually scan the tables. By the time we reassembled at the rear or the place we were all feeling a bit foolish for stopping on the cue of a dream. Joan was wistfully looking out a large picture window in front of her, lost in her thoughts, when Pam said "hey look at the emblem on this window!" There in front of us was a family crest that read MANNIX in huge gold letters. My brother John was laughing so hard he fell to the floor. Megan, Jeff, Bill, my two siblings and I were all grinning from ear to eR. I looked at John and gloated "HA..... See there are no accidents or coincidences!"
And that was my dream last night.
And that was my dream last night.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Defy Gravity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuQL_9OS0uo&feature=player_embedded
Caroline Myss wrote a new book. It's called Defy Gravity. The promo is on U Tube above. The gist is that humans have given up on the intuitive mind (what she asserts should be guiding us) for the reasoning mind (which isn't going to save us.) Interesting. In terms of disease she asserts that since mind is part of the problem, you can't rely on it to be the solution- in other words you can't "think" yourself out of disease. Interesting,,,,,,,,,Wonder how she proposes to do it?
Caroline Myss wrote a new book. It's called Defy Gravity. The promo is on U Tube above. The gist is that humans have given up on the intuitive mind (what she asserts should be guiding us) for the reasoning mind (which isn't going to save us.) Interesting. In terms of disease she asserts that since mind is part of the problem, you can't rely on it to be the solution- in other words you can't "think" yourself out of disease. Interesting,,,,,,,,,Wonder how she proposes to do it?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Appreciation VS Gratitude
Thursday, October 8, 2009
How timely
I've been thinking about time today.
When you look at the history of the planet, the earth has been chugging away, from its formation out of the gas and dust of interstellar space, which culminated some 5 billion years ago, right up to the present.
The last one million years represents only one five-thousandth (0.002%) of the history of the earth. Humans? They don't appear until 100,000 years ago. All of mankind's recorded history (the last 5000 years or so) represents only one millionth (0.00001%) of earth's existence.
Geezzzzzzzzzzzz. Can I get that?
Not really. Can't imagine time in billions or millions.
So when we look at our own lives whether we live to be 5 or 105 years...........it's really not very long no matter which it is- relative to planetary time. So when we feel like we are missing those who have gone from us...truth is...we aren't going to be separated from them for all that long. We'll be joining them soon enough.. in a decade or maybe a few. A blink in time separates our life experiences. Really just a tiny blink. Wouldn't it be great if we chose to live at our highest and best during our extra gift of time? Will we choose to live it at it's fullest or piddle it away?
When you look at the history of the planet, the earth has been chugging away, from its formation out of the gas and dust of interstellar space, which culminated some 5 billion years ago, right up to the present.
The last one million years represents only one five-thousandth (0.002%) of the history of the earth. Humans? They don't appear until 100,000 years ago. All of mankind's recorded history (the last 5000 years or so) represents only one millionth (0.00001%) of earth's existence.
Geezzzzzzzzzzzz. Can I get that?
Not really. Can't imagine time in billions or millions.
So when we look at our own lives whether we live to be 5 or 105 years...........it's really not very long no matter which it is- relative to planetary time. So when we feel like we are missing those who have gone from us...truth is...we aren't going to be separated from them for all that long. We'll be joining them soon enough.. in a decade or maybe a few. A blink in time separates our life experiences. Really just a tiny blink. Wouldn't it be great if we chose to live at our highest and best during our extra gift of time? Will we choose to live it at it's fullest or piddle it away?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A lesson
This question was asked by a seminar attendee-
"Why do some people come to the earth and then die young?"
Abraham:They come to make a statement and get us to think about the subject of death. When someone dies and they're old, you say "Oh that is ok that is to be expected because the person lived a long life." When someone at the beginning of life dies, you say "Ooooooh that is NOT such a good thing."
Humans need to try to make peace with the eternality of being.
Imagine that you walk into a movie theater with your brother. You really want to see the movie that is playing but he isn't really all that interested in the subject. He's accompanied you just to be nice.
About half way through the show, he turns to you grumbling and says "You might be having a good time here but I'm not. Standing up, leaving he says "I'll catch you later."
What happened was not bigger than that. Just because you walk out of one movie theater doesn't mean that you can't walk into another theater farther down the street or that there isn't life outside of your movie theater.
There is a feeling of discomfort with the idea of death. You feel there is a beginning and ending and everything hinges on what happens- "what we should or shouldn't be doing." But which rules should you keep? Who's rules do you follow?
Every group has different rules.
At premature death there is a feeling that there was "a waste" of a life. You have issues with being DONE and when you focus on the endedness of life.........then you feel bad.
To heal you need to find relief
and that is done incrementally and in baby steps.
By choosing to think a thought in the present moment that make you "feel" even one teensy tiny bit better than the last thought you had--- you step up one click out of depression. Then from that vantage point you can shoot for one more thought that creates another feeling that is a tiny bit better and so on. Humans CAN'T jump from depression to joy because it's too big a leap. The goal is to increase your energy by "Feeling" one click better -thereby vibrating at a higher frequency.
Depression is the lowest energy vibration and where we feel the worst.
Anger actually has more "energy" than depression. When you move from a depressed thought to an angry thought you actually move UP in energy. Moving to anger from depression offers a feeling of relief - you "feel" better (if only very slightly.) You are more empowered when angry than when depressed.
You wouldn't want to stay in anger. Ideally, you want to reach for the next thought that makes you feel one click better. Your goal is to find a feeling of relief by stepping up a notch.
to get relief from a depressing thought think an angry thought
To get relief from an angry thought think a frustrating thought
Frustration can lead to a hopeful thought....a hopeful thought leads to a ....
and on and on
up the energy feel good ladder until you hit joy - the highest level of vibration. The best feelings we have are created by thinking joyful thoughts.
If you're driving at 100mph and hit a tree the impact is going to be worse than if you were only going 5mph. Some people drive their lives at 100mph be it with excessive drugs, alcohol, depression etc.
We expect people who are depressed to "damn well live and suffer with the rest of us" not die and check out. A depressed person could say "I am not supposed to suffer. And while you may not approve of me anesthetizing myself with drugs and alcohol- the fact that I needed to leave- worked for me."
Some folks feel the severity of dense emotion. As "lighter" folks the rest of us feel the need "to fix" them- but we are not in the same place as depressed people are. Deep dispair, no self esteem-self survival turns them into people full of rage and anger.
Abraham suggests
The more you focus on your history
the more the Law of Attraction lines you up with this vibration
the more you continue to observe it
the more you talk about it
more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
the more you observe it and the more you talk about it
the more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
You can't tell the same story and NOT live the same circumstances because the Law of Attraction will directly pull it to you.
This is an attracting world...........there is nothing in opposing to it. We attract. PERIOD.
In science, the term sublimination means a solid goes directly to a gas without passing through the liquid phase. We don't do that for us it's a process.
"Why do some people come to the earth and then die young?"
Abraham:They come to make a statement and get us to think about the subject of death. When someone dies and they're old, you say "Oh that is ok that is to be expected because the person lived a long life." When someone at the beginning of life dies, you say "Ooooooh that is NOT such a good thing."
Humans need to try to make peace with the eternality of being.
Imagine that you walk into a movie theater with your brother. You really want to see the movie that is playing but he isn't really all that interested in the subject. He's accompanied you just to be nice.
About half way through the show, he turns to you grumbling and says "You might be having a good time here but I'm not. Standing up, leaving he says "I'll catch you later."
What happened was not bigger than that. Just because you walk out of one movie theater doesn't mean that you can't walk into another theater farther down the street or that there isn't life outside of your movie theater.
There is a feeling of discomfort with the idea of death. You feel there is a beginning and ending and everything hinges on what happens- "what we should or shouldn't be doing." But which rules should you keep? Who's rules do you follow?
Every group has different rules.
At premature death there is a feeling that there was "a waste" of a life. You have issues with being DONE and when you focus on the endedness of life.........then you feel bad.
To heal you need to find relief
and that is done incrementally and in baby steps.
By choosing to think a thought in the present moment that make you "feel" even one teensy tiny bit better than the last thought you had--- you step up one click out of depression. Then from that vantage point you can shoot for one more thought that creates another feeling that is a tiny bit better and so on. Humans CAN'T jump from depression to joy because it's too big a leap. The goal is to increase your energy by "Feeling" one click better -thereby vibrating at a higher frequency.
Depression is the lowest energy vibration and where we feel the worst.
Anger actually has more "energy" than depression. When you move from a depressed thought to an angry thought you actually move UP in energy. Moving to anger from depression offers a feeling of relief - you "feel" better (if only very slightly.) You are more empowered when angry than when depressed.
You wouldn't want to stay in anger. Ideally, you want to reach for the next thought that makes you feel one click better. Your goal is to find a feeling of relief by stepping up a notch.
to get relief from a depressing thought think an angry thought
To get relief from an angry thought think a frustrating thought
Frustration can lead to a hopeful thought....a hopeful thought leads to a ....
and on and on
up the energy feel good ladder until you hit joy - the highest level of vibration. The best feelings we have are created by thinking joyful thoughts.
If you're driving at 100mph and hit a tree the impact is going to be worse than if you were only going 5mph. Some people drive their lives at 100mph be it with excessive drugs, alcohol, depression etc.
We expect people who are depressed to "damn well live and suffer with the rest of us" not die and check out. A depressed person could say "I am not supposed to suffer. And while you may not approve of me anesthetizing myself with drugs and alcohol- the fact that I needed to leave- worked for me."
Some folks feel the severity of dense emotion. As "lighter" folks the rest of us feel the need "to fix" them- but we are not in the same place as depressed people are. Deep dispair, no self esteem-self survival turns them into people full of rage and anger.
Abraham suggests
The more you focus on your history
the more the Law of Attraction lines you up with this vibration
the more you continue to observe it
the more you talk about it
more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
the more you observe it and the more you talk about it
the more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
You can't tell the same story and NOT live the same circumstances because the Law of Attraction will directly pull it to you.
This is an attracting world...........there is nothing in opposing to it. We attract. PERIOD.
In science, the term sublimination means a solid goes directly to a gas without passing through the liquid phase. We don't do that for us it's a process.
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