wednesday

Today is a month to the day when John died.

http://www.digitalspin.com/fall

This video was shot by John of his family- he and my sister Pam and his three children by marriage- Jackson, Emma and Martha- in July 2006. The music, he told me, was original and written by a friend of his, but I know not who to credit for it. I do know that it is perfect with the video.

John F. Kubricky
Tuesday, August 25, 2009 8:58 PM EDT
LAKE LUZERNE -- John F. Kubricky, 48, of Hall Hill Road, Lake
Luzerne passed away Monday, Aug. 24,2009, at Glens Falls
Hospital after a valiant battle with cancer.
John was born on Nov. 10, 1960, in Glens Falls.
He graduated with highest honors from Adirondack
Community College and attended Embry — Riddle
Aeronautical University where he studied aviation. John was
project superintendent for Kubricky Construction Corp. He
also served as director of John Kubricky and Sons, Inc.,
Kubricky Construction Corp., Duke Concrete Products, Inc.,
and Connect International Corporation’s English Connection
Division. He founded his own company, Digital Spin LLC.
Since the late 1990’s John was chief of IT for Saratoga Direct,
Inc. (SDI), a provider of internet marketing solutions. In that
role he was directly responsible for the development of
leading edge eCommerce programs for clients that included
BMW, Land Rover and MINI. These systems not only provided
users with a flawless online experience but allowed SDI to
integrate product management, ordering and customer
service functionality into the clients’ systems.
His most recent development for the company was a
sophisticated distributed eCommerce system for use by BMW
Motorcycles dealers. The system allowed BMW Motorcycle
dealers to deploy a turn-key, online retail presence, branded
for the dealership that included centrally managed inventory
and product information. The net effect being that the
dealership could present a world-class eCommerce presence
with almost no effort on the part of dealership personnel.
He was also involved in a wide variety of other programs, including development of a complete flexible content
management system for Northeast Health’s online presence. This led to the successful deployment of an online
patient management system for the company’s Primary Care network that let the company streamline
prescription renewals, referrals and physician/patient communications.
His latest project for the company was a centrally managed web presence for dealers in the power sports
market. On completion, this system will allow power sports dealers to manage new and used online inventory
from a centrally managed database, greatly easing a complex administrative task for dealers. General content
for the sites will be easily managed via SDI’s proprietary content management system, which was also
developed under John’s leadership.
John was a beloved hero to his friends and family. He was officially hailed as a hero for saving a child and
father’s life with no thought for his own safety while on his honeymoon in Victoria, British Columbia. He was a
man of multi talents: licensed helicopter and fixed-wing pilot. John was always inventive and innovative. John
believed anything was possible — it simply required time and thought. He wasn’t afraid to jump in and create
something out of nothing, or take on a new challenge with the proper education. For John, it was all about
information. John provided wise counsel to his family and friends. He challenged others to examine their own
beliefs and ideas and sometimes we didn’t like it. His work ethic is shown by all he accomplished in his short life.
John was predeceased by his father by marriage, Jack Mannix, grandparents, John and Rachel Kubricky, and Leo
and Loretta Monahan.
John F. Kubricky :: PostStar.com http://www.poststar.com/articles/2009/08/25/community/announcements/o...
1 of 2 9/23/2009 7:38 AM
John is survived by his loving wife, Pam (Patricia) Mannix; his mother, Joan Kubricky Mannix; father L.H. (Duke,)
Kubricky and his wife, Sharon, three children by marriage: Jackson "Grasshopper" Donnelly, Emmaline "Spike"
Donnelly, and Martha "Miss Martha" Donnelly. He is also survived by his brother, Thomas Kubricky and his wife,
Terri and their son, Derek; his sister, Joanne Kubricky and husband, Peter Shea and their children, Rachel and
John; and siblings by marriage, Elizabeth Klein(Bill), Margi Mannix(Michael), John Mannix(Kathy), Mark
Mannix(Sara) and mother by marriage, Marjorie Mannix. In addition he is survived by numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Tuesday morning

Listening to Dr. Christiane Northrup on Wayne Dyer's Hay House radio show and she's talking about healing. She says to heal grief you have to move, use sound and cry your way through it. Dance, music and tears. Sounds reasonable to me.

Vulnerability is our greatest asset. She also said colds are the result of not crying and holding emotion in. I had the worst cold and nose sores I've EVER had the week John died and during his funeral.

A coincidence? I think not..

Thoughts on our own mortality

It appears to be true that we really don't GET that we are going to die. I remember as as teenager thinking that even though adults told us that unprotected sex could result in pregnancy, none of my peers really thought it would happen to us. Me included. And yet we did get pregnant and it shouldn't have been a surprise.....but it was.

Death is the same way. At some level, we vaguely waft around that it's true and yet it never truly seems REAL. In 2005, my mother by marriage Joan, sister Margi and I drove dad (Jack) to Boston for evaluation after his liver cancer was discovered. Mind you, this was after a routine gall bladder surgery where the surgeon noted that the "liver looked funny as he operated on the gall bladder." Funny liver= carcinoma of the liver. Not so funny. Cholangiocarcinoma. This comes from food or water-borne parasite worms such as opisthorchis viverrini - including fluke worms - which reside in the skin of freshwater fish mostly found in northeastern Thailand. HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO??? Did Jack go to Thailnad? i think not. Whatever killed my father was undoubtedly a fluke but a fluke worm? I don't believe so.

Which brings me to timing. For a couple of years before he died, Jack would tell me that he was going to die about the same time as his father. I remember arguing incessantly that because his father had died at 73, that had NOTHING to do when he would expire. His mom had gone at 84. I suggested to him that he take an average if need be, rather than refer to his father's record. He was adamant that it had a bearing. So as his children planned his 75 birthday party at Fort Willliam Henry, he instead checked out at 74 years plus a little. Stinks! It was almost as if he had to PROVE himself RIGHT and leave on his schedule.

Which brings me to John. Did John KNOW that he had made some weird prebirth agreement to check out on the completion of a 12 year cycle at 48 years old or what? It sure seemed to me that he desperately wanted to live and he put every effort into trying any treatment the medical community (the white suits) had to offer. He wasn't flippant or irreverent. He followed the rules. He quit smoking....he worked at survival and yet, here we are Sept 2009 and it wasn't enough.

Can I tell you how much the reality of where we are today sucks? Go figure........

Wayne Dyer via Carlos Castaneda

In the Active Side of Infinity Castaneda states "The most difficult problem that all "civilized" people seem to have is that we are all in bodies that are going to die but we act as if they're not."

So that the concept of infinity is something that eludes us and because we don't see our infinite nature we get stuck on what he called the inactive side of infinity. and that shift from the inactive side where we come to fear death is troublesome. Because basically, we don't die other people do. And it's ok. We expect our grandparents to die until we become a grandparent. We're not surprised about the people we read about on ferry boat accidents or in explosions. But we deny our own death because we fear it and we fear something that doesn't exist.

Excerpted from Wayne Dyer "The Secrets of the Power of Intention"

Watch Lisa Williams

http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/lisa-williams/full-episodes-voices-from-the-other-side/episode-1/video/episode-1-part-1

Scrubs song on tonight's episode

Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In catholic school
As vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black
And I held my tongue
As she told me, "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about
Because we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Monday Monday

One of my best friends in Austin, recently got a job after YEARS of not working. As a part time speech pathologist, she can set her own schedule of days to work. I suggested that she NOT work on Monday. Why?? Because Monday is the day I use to reconnoiter- determine my goals for the upcoming five days- and getting organized. The weekend has wound down and it's a time to take stock.

I woke up this morning feeling still NO connection to any healing ability. Bill's lower back is still sporadically whacking out on him, sciatica is bugging his butt and NOTHING is coming from my hands. It's almost as if when John died, my ability or desire to help people died too. Maybe it's the disillusionment of not being able to heal him. Maybe it's anger. Maybe it's the dynamic between Bill and I. Who knows? What I do know is that I want to talk to John as much as Joan does. I want him to tell us what he knows now and where he is and how he is. Is that too much to ask?

Lisa Williams, a medium in LA, who makes a living talking to dead people has a Lifetime TV show. Her show is called Lisa Williams "Life Among the Dead." Bill, my sleuthy spouse, found all of her past episodes are available commercial free to watch on the internet at Hulu.com. Once you start an episode, the parts naturally fill themselves in, if you start at Part 1. I do feel better about John and Dad,watching Lisa, knowing that they are both still conscious in spirit and are as alive I am.

Check it out
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/lisa-williams/full-episodes

Love Hate my Sacred Contracts

I have a love/hate relationship with Caroline Myss- author, medical intuitive, lecturer, teacher. On the one hand, she states some of life's most profound universal Truths- with a capital T- in the most simple, eloquent, clear ways. And for that I love and appreciate her. However, other times, she offers her message in biting, cutting, almost cruel, rattle your cage "don't be a child" disgusted ways. As if not seeing truth from her point of view makes you a babbling idiot prone to sitting in a dark closet, twirling your hair while sucking your thumb. In those slamming moments- I frequently, in spite of my bristling animosity, STILL find Truth. But it's often a bitter pill to swallow.

Example 1

Tuesday, Myss speaking on the subject of CHANGE (the only constant in life) in a lecture on Sacred Contracts (HayhouseRadio.com 9/8/09)

I couldn't help thinking of my sister Pam when I heard this. John is gone and she is alone..FACT FACT FACT....stinks but still fact.

Caroline Myss suggests-

"You’re currently in the cocoon growing wings…on your way to becoming a butterfly

you must shed what is not coming with you now

Everything that’s old has to go…but what is precious to you... stays

All the attitudes that no longer serve you have to go

You are not entitled to know where you are going next

It is the most arrogant thing we can ask as humans,

because it shows not one ounce of trust…

So instead you need to say Ok God- Amen- so be it"

OUCH!! Caroline I hate that!!! We are not entitled to know where we are going next? Entitled or not, we surely DON"T know where life leads next. I wish I could fast forward life into a magic viewfinder to show Pam and Joan that they will come out the other side of the hell they are living today sometime in the future. But no magic screen exists and we are currently comfortless.


One ounce of trust.... What is Faith anyway and do I have any of it?
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

Honestly, no, not much.


Example 2
Caroline goes onto to say that you can not reason with catastrophe.

"Why did this happen to me?

is the most narcissistic question we can ask.

It assumes that the catastrophe is all about us and it’s not. "

This one I DO get. When John was dying, and knew it, all I could think about was how that must make him feel knowing he was going to poof out shortly. One day he said to me, "After all this, Pam will still have her three kids, friends and her family and what will I have? I'll be dead." Jesus that was so true. For all the pity pot I went on about losing my Dad, ultimately it was Jack who was losing the most. I'm still here breathing, playing another day, seeing another sunrise. The pain I feel for their missed opportunities actually does exceed the pity I feel for myself if only by a hair. And I pray that when I go- it's swift, unexpected and without time think to hard about my death. It borders on cruel to see the freight train coming.

ILV4FR

Robert signed Janet's Senior high school yearbook in short hand.
He wrote ILV4FR

Shortly after graduation the two were married and Janet bore him a beautiful son, Teddy. Some years later, Robert flew to NY for a job interview, from which he called with exciting news, he had been hired.

Tragically, he never arrived home. He was killed by a drunk driver. Several months later Janet's funds were dwindling, and her life looked hopeless. 4 year old Teddy was drawing with crayons one day and he said matterifactly "DADDY! " The boy wrote ILV4FR in shorthand.....followed by MDTNBK34STBX1142. Janet took the paper into Robert's business partner and together they decoded Mid town Bank on 34th Street.

Remembering Robert's business trip, Janet dipped into her small savings and flew to NY. There she found Mid Town Bank and learned that Robert had a safe deposit box in which she found a life insurance policy for $200,000.

Our friend Alan Cohen states "A very thin veil separates the physical world from the world of spirit." While everything on the earth seems solid it is interpenetrated with other dimensions. If necessary, we can communicate with those in spirit and they with us. Love has the power to span dimensions. If you have a dream or sensation of departed loved ones, it is likely that you are in their field and they in your field of consciousness. Open your mind and heart to a greater universe and be blessed by love from all dimensions. We can't be blessed by too much love...

Story excerpted from a Sunday sermon-August 9, 2009- given by Rev. Steve Bolen-Unity Church of the Hills- Austin, Texas

Post Labor Day 2009

You Don't know Jack or John.
Really you don't.......................
and that is your loss.

How can I explain the indescribable?
Funny, quick, witty, comedian, raconteur, magician, dad, loving, lovely. The adjectives could go on into infinity and they wouldn't begin to touch the surface of who this human being is.

I miss you Dad..........and wish we could talk, really talk. Not the one sided soliloquy that our conversation has become since April 30th, 2006.

And John..
John Francis Kubricky taken so young, at only 48, just weeks ago. Who really knows you either?
Only the good die young- we've heard it before- know plenty of examples where that's true. But losing you is a big one and cuts deep. What you accomplished in your short cycle of life. What you might have done had you stayed with us longer.

And now what are we to do with the memories of the two of you? How can we share the gifts you are? How can we keep your memory and legacies alive? How do we keep you present?

There are answers to those questions. The mere act of asking, starts the response rolling toward us. I await a clear reply.