Listening to the radio...the host is talking about how she lost her parent...and how she walked through her grief. As a psycho therapist, she felt compelled to seek out help and support for herself. She mentioned that in other cultures it is a "given" that everyone take at least one year to grieve before they even think about getting back into what would resemble a "normal" life. She also admitted that the first year (or more) she would frequently find herself howling- yep howling- as she walked around her house. Her therapeutic training taught her that she HAD to get what she was feeling out of her system and let it flow through. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. That we want to howl and wail and gnash is true. Whether we allow ourselves to take that cathartic emotional dump or not seems key to regaining/maintaining balance and emotional stability.
You never hear people say they HOWL...most hide behind a facade of emotional vacuousness. As my cousin Lori says humans drift in the shallows in a raft on the river of denial. Who admits they're in pain? We think no one wants to hear it and truth is... raw expressions of emotion make most folks REALLY uncomfortable. We're experts at offering platitudes of upliftment.. but who are we trying to relieve with our words? The person who is grieving or our own uncomfortability with their nakenessness? I have discovered, through first hand experience with death, that when I've been in that numb space there are no words that can save me- let alone pierce the outer wall of my inertia. And that's why grief borders on depression.
When my father died, I'd go through waves of emotion. One minute I'd be fine and the next my stomach would knot up. I'd feel a wave of nausea hit me. Interestingly, these waves had absolutely nothing to do with what I was thinking at the moment. Just BANG! Seasickness...stomach rolls. Whatever it is running through me, I'm pretty sure that if I can't predict when this wave of emotion is coming or going, it's so unconscious that the LEAST I can do is try to let it just roll through. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that if I try to block it or stiffle it...odds are good that it's going to bite me in the ass latter in the form of physical illness from repression. So I'm not willing to go there.
When we lose a parent we are dealing with primal issues and it's ok to be broken and suffer. We need to go underground for a while to feel stuff. It's deep and profound and doesn't have a time limit on it. We're allowed to grieve.
Eye yi yi yie...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Aunt Jean becomes an angel on October 19, 2009
My Aunt Jean made her appointment with eternity last night and slid into infinity quietly and peacefully with family at her side. Her breathing problems are now a thing of the past and she is no longer tethered to an oxygen tank or a motorized cart. That is good.
The first time I ever touched a Ouija board was with my Aunt Jean. It was 1980 and she and I had a glass of white wine at her Mobley Street kitchen table, while we "talked" to her father in law aka my Grandpa Haskell. He kept writing out "Love the boys, love the boys, love the boys" with the pointer. He was concerned for her four sons who she was raising single handedly. It was my first hands on exposure to other worldliness...and it was fascinating.
Over the years, my aunt proved to be a great conduit for all things metaphysical. Like the time she was hypnotized and recorded a past life regression in Los Angeles. I vaguely remember hearing the tape the gist of which was that she had previously lived during the late 1800's as Rosa Calderone- a spoiled beauty and daughter of a wealthy Mexican rancher. She recalled the day she watched her brothers, father and lover Fernando ride off into the sunset on horseback to fight. She recounted her anger at having her life disrupted by war and losing the love of her life in battle. She said that she had died of pneumonia in her mid twenties.
Last January, I had the chance to spend the better part of a day catching up with Aunt Jean in San Diego. We talked about life, death and the afterlife. I shared a vivid out of body experience I'd had and offered it up as my rationale for no longer fearing that we're snuffed out at death. Instead I'm sure that our consciousness doesn't require a physical form to maintain our identity. While she said that she'd not dabbled with astral projection, she was nevertheless quite sure that our soul continues on and said that she wasn't afraid to die. She admitted that she was ready to go and were it not for the fact that she thought it would be hard on her children to lose their mother she'd have no angst about leaving.
My father used to retell the story of driving to Cottage Hill the morning Jean, loading her VW with possessions and kids, was preparing to hit the road and head west. Where she was going to land she wasn't sure but she knew that she wanted to live in a sunny warm climate. My father said he cried as he watched her drive off. His thoughts were fear mixed with exhilaration. He admired her spunk and I believe half envied the explorer she was daring to be.
My Aunt Jean.
I loved her and I will miss her. San Diego won't be the same without her anymore than Lake George is the same without Jack or John. Death does suck for those of us left standing here. It's a crappy system to grow to love people just to have them ripped away. Who is responsible for this design flaw?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Dream dream dream a little dream of me
Joan and I were driving in her black Cadillac down a Vermont country road. As we rounded a bend Joan started to tear up saying that she had seen my father at the rest area we were passing in a dream. Fearing Joan couldn't cry and drive I suggested we pull into the rest stop to see if Dad was there. When we got out of the car our group assembled on the curb deciding to go into the adjacent restaurant to look for Jack. We decided to split up to casually scan the tables. By the time we reassembled at the rear or the place we were all feeling a bit foolish for stopping on the cue of a dream. Joan was wistfully looking out a large picture window in front of her, lost in her thoughts, when Pam said "hey look at the emblem on this window!" There in front of us was a family crest that read MANNIX in huge gold letters. My brother John was laughing so hard he fell to the floor. Megan, Jeff, Bill, my two siblings and I were all grinning from ear to eR. I looked at John and gloated "HA..... See there are no accidents or coincidences!"
And that was my dream last night.
And that was my dream last night.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Defy Gravity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuQL_9OS0uo&feature=player_embedded
Caroline Myss wrote a new book. It's called Defy Gravity. The promo is on U Tube above. The gist is that humans have given up on the intuitive mind (what she asserts should be guiding us) for the reasoning mind (which isn't going to save us.) Interesting. In terms of disease she asserts that since mind is part of the problem, you can't rely on it to be the solution- in other words you can't "think" yourself out of disease. Interesting,,,,,,,,,Wonder how she proposes to do it?
Caroline Myss wrote a new book. It's called Defy Gravity. The promo is on U Tube above. The gist is that humans have given up on the intuitive mind (what she asserts should be guiding us) for the reasoning mind (which isn't going to save us.) Interesting. In terms of disease she asserts that since mind is part of the problem, you can't rely on it to be the solution- in other words you can't "think" yourself out of disease. Interesting,,,,,,,,,Wonder how she proposes to do it?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Appreciation VS Gratitude
Thursday, October 8, 2009
How timely
I've been thinking about time today.
When you look at the history of the planet, the earth has been chugging away, from its formation out of the gas and dust of interstellar space, which culminated some 5 billion years ago, right up to the present.
The last one million years represents only one five-thousandth (0.002%) of the history of the earth. Humans? They don't appear until 100,000 years ago. All of mankind's recorded history (the last 5000 years or so) represents only one millionth (0.00001%) of earth's existence.
Geezzzzzzzzzzzz. Can I get that?
Not really. Can't imagine time in billions or millions.
So when we look at our own lives whether we live to be 5 or 105 years...........it's really not very long no matter which it is- relative to planetary time. So when we feel like we are missing those who have gone from us...truth is...we aren't going to be separated from them for all that long. We'll be joining them soon enough.. in a decade or maybe a few. A blink in time separates our life experiences. Really just a tiny blink. Wouldn't it be great if we chose to live at our highest and best during our extra gift of time? Will we choose to live it at it's fullest or piddle it away?
When you look at the history of the planet, the earth has been chugging away, from its formation out of the gas and dust of interstellar space, which culminated some 5 billion years ago, right up to the present.
The last one million years represents only one five-thousandth (0.002%) of the history of the earth. Humans? They don't appear until 100,000 years ago. All of mankind's recorded history (the last 5000 years or so) represents only one millionth (0.00001%) of earth's existence.
Geezzzzzzzzzzzz. Can I get that?
Not really. Can't imagine time in billions or millions.
So when we look at our own lives whether we live to be 5 or 105 years...........it's really not very long no matter which it is- relative to planetary time. So when we feel like we are missing those who have gone from us...truth is...we aren't going to be separated from them for all that long. We'll be joining them soon enough.. in a decade or maybe a few. A blink in time separates our life experiences. Really just a tiny blink. Wouldn't it be great if we chose to live at our highest and best during our extra gift of time? Will we choose to live it at it's fullest or piddle it away?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A lesson
This question was asked by a seminar attendee-
"Why do some people come to the earth and then die young?"
Abraham:They come to make a statement and get us to think about the subject of death. When someone dies and they're old, you say "Oh that is ok that is to be expected because the person lived a long life." When someone at the beginning of life dies, you say "Ooooooh that is NOT such a good thing."
Humans need to try to make peace with the eternality of being.
Imagine that you walk into a movie theater with your brother. You really want to see the movie that is playing but he isn't really all that interested in the subject. He's accompanied you just to be nice.
About half way through the show, he turns to you grumbling and says "You might be having a good time here but I'm not. Standing up, leaving he says "I'll catch you later."
What happened was not bigger than that. Just because you walk out of one movie theater doesn't mean that you can't walk into another theater farther down the street or that there isn't life outside of your movie theater.
There is a feeling of discomfort with the idea of death. You feel there is a beginning and ending and everything hinges on what happens- "what we should or shouldn't be doing." But which rules should you keep? Who's rules do you follow?
Every group has different rules.
At premature death there is a feeling that there was "a waste" of a life. You have issues with being DONE and when you focus on the endedness of life.........then you feel bad.
To heal you need to find relief
and that is done incrementally and in baby steps.
By choosing to think a thought in the present moment that make you "feel" even one teensy tiny bit better than the last thought you had--- you step up one click out of depression. Then from that vantage point you can shoot for one more thought that creates another feeling that is a tiny bit better and so on. Humans CAN'T jump from depression to joy because it's too big a leap. The goal is to increase your energy by "Feeling" one click better -thereby vibrating at a higher frequency.
Depression is the lowest energy vibration and where we feel the worst.
Anger actually has more "energy" than depression. When you move from a depressed thought to an angry thought you actually move UP in energy. Moving to anger from depression offers a feeling of relief - you "feel" better (if only very slightly.) You are more empowered when angry than when depressed.
You wouldn't want to stay in anger. Ideally, you want to reach for the next thought that makes you feel one click better. Your goal is to find a feeling of relief by stepping up a notch.
to get relief from a depressing thought think an angry thought
To get relief from an angry thought think a frustrating thought
Frustration can lead to a hopeful thought....a hopeful thought leads to a ....
and on and on
up the energy feel good ladder until you hit joy - the highest level of vibration. The best feelings we have are created by thinking joyful thoughts.
If you're driving at 100mph and hit a tree the impact is going to be worse than if you were only going 5mph. Some people drive their lives at 100mph be it with excessive drugs, alcohol, depression etc.
We expect people who are depressed to "damn well live and suffer with the rest of us" not die and check out. A depressed person could say "I am not supposed to suffer. And while you may not approve of me anesthetizing myself with drugs and alcohol- the fact that I needed to leave- worked for me."
Some folks feel the severity of dense emotion. As "lighter" folks the rest of us feel the need "to fix" them- but we are not in the same place as depressed people are. Deep dispair, no self esteem-self survival turns them into people full of rage and anger.
Abraham suggests
The more you focus on your history
the more the Law of Attraction lines you up with this vibration
the more you continue to observe it
the more you talk about it
more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
the more you observe it and the more you talk about it
the more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
You can't tell the same story and NOT live the same circumstances because the Law of Attraction will directly pull it to you.
This is an attracting world...........there is nothing in opposing to it. We attract. PERIOD.
In science, the term sublimination means a solid goes directly to a gas without passing through the liquid phase. We don't do that for us it's a process.
"Why do some people come to the earth and then die young?"
Abraham:They come to make a statement and get us to think about the subject of death. When someone dies and they're old, you say "Oh that is ok that is to be expected because the person lived a long life." When someone at the beginning of life dies, you say "Ooooooh that is NOT such a good thing."
Humans need to try to make peace with the eternality of being.
Imagine that you walk into a movie theater with your brother. You really want to see the movie that is playing but he isn't really all that interested in the subject. He's accompanied you just to be nice.
About half way through the show, he turns to you grumbling and says "You might be having a good time here but I'm not. Standing up, leaving he says "I'll catch you later."
What happened was not bigger than that. Just because you walk out of one movie theater doesn't mean that you can't walk into another theater farther down the street or that there isn't life outside of your movie theater.
There is a feeling of discomfort with the idea of death. You feel there is a beginning and ending and everything hinges on what happens- "what we should or shouldn't be doing." But which rules should you keep? Who's rules do you follow?
Every group has different rules.
At premature death there is a feeling that there was "a waste" of a life. You have issues with being DONE and when you focus on the endedness of life.........then you feel bad.
To heal you need to find relief
and that is done incrementally and in baby steps.
By choosing to think a thought in the present moment that make you "feel" even one teensy tiny bit better than the last thought you had--- you step up one click out of depression. Then from that vantage point you can shoot for one more thought that creates another feeling that is a tiny bit better and so on. Humans CAN'T jump from depression to joy because it's too big a leap. The goal is to increase your energy by "Feeling" one click better -thereby vibrating at a higher frequency.
Depression is the lowest energy vibration and where we feel the worst.
Anger actually has more "energy" than depression. When you move from a depressed thought to an angry thought you actually move UP in energy. Moving to anger from depression offers a feeling of relief - you "feel" better (if only very slightly.) You are more empowered when angry than when depressed.
You wouldn't want to stay in anger. Ideally, you want to reach for the next thought that makes you feel one click better. Your goal is to find a feeling of relief by stepping up a notch.
to get relief from a depressing thought think an angry thought
To get relief from an angry thought think a frustrating thought
Frustration can lead to a hopeful thought....a hopeful thought leads to a ....
and on and on
up the energy feel good ladder until you hit joy - the highest level of vibration. The best feelings we have are created by thinking joyful thoughts.
If you're driving at 100mph and hit a tree the impact is going to be worse than if you were only going 5mph. Some people drive their lives at 100mph be it with excessive drugs, alcohol, depression etc.
We expect people who are depressed to "damn well live and suffer with the rest of us" not die and check out. A depressed person could say "I am not supposed to suffer. And while you may not approve of me anesthetizing myself with drugs and alcohol- the fact that I needed to leave- worked for me."
Some folks feel the severity of dense emotion. As "lighter" folks the rest of us feel the need "to fix" them- but we are not in the same place as depressed people are. Deep dispair, no self esteem-self survival turns them into people full of rage and anger.
Abraham suggests
The more you focus on your history
the more the Law of Attraction lines you up with this vibration
the more you continue to observe it
the more you talk about it
more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
the more you observe it and the more you talk about it
the more you vibrate to it
and therefore the more the Law of Attraction matches you up with this vibration
You can't tell the same story and NOT live the same circumstances because the Law of Attraction will directly pull it to you.
This is an attracting world...........there is nothing in opposing to it. We attract. PERIOD.
In science, the term sublimination means a solid goes directly to a gas without passing through the liquid phase. We don't do that for us it's a process.
Esther and Jerry Hicks
Another "find" on Hay House radio (branded as radio for your soul) was the discovery of the husband and wife team of Esther and Jerry Hicks. Esther channels a group of spirits called collectively Abraham.
Sometimes no amount of words will do a subject justice.
What follows is an excerpt copied from the front page of their web site.
Abraham is a name. A symbol. A feeling. Evocative-yet simple-like we want our names to be.
But who, or what, is/are, Abraham . . . really?
Workshop attendee: ". . . you're a very attractive woman, too."
Abraham: "We're usually a nebulous mist, so that is quite a compliment." (Laughter)
Louise Hay calls them "some of the best teachers on the planet today."
To Dr. Wayne Dyer they are "the great Masters of the Universe!"
A veritable who's-who of authors, speakers and teachers continue to publicly acknowledge and praise the immense value of the wisdom that is pouring forth through Esther.
Abraham has described themselves as "a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension" (which helps a lot!). They have also said, "We are that which you are. You are the leading edge of that which we are. We are that which is at the heart of all religions."
Abraham has told us through Esther that whenever we feel moments of great love, exhilaration, pure joy, stoned-out bliss, even the energy of sexual orgasm when we feel that Energy Flow rushing through our bodies, that is the energy of Source, and that is who Abraham "is".
"Jerry and Esther never used the word channeling," Abraham reflects. "It is used when applied to them, but they have never used it, because it means many things of which they are not, you see."
"You could leave the channeling out of it. Call it inspiration; that's all it is. You don't call the basketball player a channeler, but he is; he's an extension of Source Energy. You don't call the surgeon a channeler, but he is. You don't call the musician, the magnificent master musician, you don't call him a channeler, but he is. He's channeling the broader essence of who he is into the specifics of what he is about."
Esther herself calls Abraham "infinite intelligence," and to Jerry they are "the purest form of love I've ever experienced."
We say check out Abraham for yourself. It's the only way to go and the only way to know. If watching or listening or reading the words of Abraham feels good to you, then you're in the right place. If they sound "off" to you, or maybe even a little bit annoying—adventure on!
And finally—from Jerry—"Mr. Practical":
"I don't know what they are and I don't care what they are. I'm just using them for the good it will do for myself and others."
And sometimes—all is said with just one word.
Abraham. They just are what they are.
The Basis of Your Life is Freedom; the Purpose of Your Life is Joy.
A Synopsis of Abraham-Hicks' Teachings
1. You Are a Physical Extension of That Which is Non-physical.
2. You Are Here in This Body Because You Chose to Be Here.
3. The Basis of Your Life is Freedom; the Purpose of Your Life is Joy.
4. You Are a Creator; You Create With Your Every Thought.
5. Anything That You Can Imagine is Yours to Be or Do or Have.
6. As You Are Choosing Your Thoughts, Your Emotions Are Guiding You.
7. The Universe Adores You for it Knows Your Broadest Intentions.
8. Relax into Your Natural Well-Being. All is Well. (Really It Is!)
9. You Are a Creator of Thoughtways on Your Unique Path of Joy.
10. Actions to Be Taken and Possessions to Be Exchanged Are By-products of Your Focus on Joy.
11. You May Appropriately Depart Your Body Without Illness or Pain.
12. You Can Not Die; You Are Everlasting Life.
P.S. It is not necessary for even one other person to understand the Laws of the Universe or the processes that we are offering here in order for you to have a wonderful, happy, productive Life Experience — for you are the attractor of your experience. Just you!
Sometimes no amount of words will do a subject justice.
What follows is an excerpt copied from the front page of their web site.
Abraham is a name. A symbol. A feeling. Evocative-yet simple-like we want our names to be.
But who, or what, is/are, Abraham . . . really?
Workshop attendee: ". . . you're a very attractive woman, too."
Abraham: "We're usually a nebulous mist, so that is quite a compliment." (Laughter)
Louise Hay calls them "some of the best teachers on the planet today."
To Dr. Wayne Dyer they are "the great Masters of the Universe!"
A veritable who's-who of authors, speakers and teachers continue to publicly acknowledge and praise the immense value of the wisdom that is pouring forth through Esther.
Abraham has described themselves as "a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension" (which helps a lot!). They have also said, "We are that which you are. You are the leading edge of that which we are. We are that which is at the heart of all religions."
Abraham has told us through Esther that whenever we feel moments of great love, exhilaration, pure joy, stoned-out bliss, even the energy of sexual orgasm when we feel that Energy Flow rushing through our bodies, that is the energy of Source, and that is who Abraham "is".
"Jerry and Esther never used the word channeling," Abraham reflects. "It is used when applied to them, but they have never used it, because it means many things of which they are not, you see."
"You could leave the channeling out of it. Call it inspiration; that's all it is. You don't call the basketball player a channeler, but he is; he's an extension of Source Energy. You don't call the surgeon a channeler, but he is. You don't call the musician, the magnificent master musician, you don't call him a channeler, but he is. He's channeling the broader essence of who he is into the specifics of what he is about."
Esther herself calls Abraham "infinite intelligence," and to Jerry they are "the purest form of love I've ever experienced."
We say check out Abraham for yourself. It's the only way to go and the only way to know. If watching or listening or reading the words of Abraham feels good to you, then you're in the right place. If they sound "off" to you, or maybe even a little bit annoying—adventure on!
And finally—from Jerry—"Mr. Practical":
"I don't know what they are and I don't care what they are. I'm just using them for the good it will do for myself and others."
And sometimes—all is said with just one word.
Abraham. They just are what they are.
The Basis of Your Life is Freedom; the Purpose of Your Life is Joy.
A Synopsis of Abraham-Hicks' Teachings
1. You Are a Physical Extension of That Which is Non-physical.
2. You Are Here in This Body Because You Chose to Be Here.
3. The Basis of Your Life is Freedom; the Purpose of Your Life is Joy.
4. You Are a Creator; You Create With Your Every Thought.
5. Anything That You Can Imagine is Yours to Be or Do or Have.
6. As You Are Choosing Your Thoughts, Your Emotions Are Guiding You.
7. The Universe Adores You for it Knows Your Broadest Intentions.
8. Relax into Your Natural Well-Being. All is Well. (Really It Is!)
9. You Are a Creator of Thoughtways on Your Unique Path of Joy.
10. Actions to Be Taken and Possessions to Be Exchanged Are By-products of Your Focus on Joy.
11. You May Appropriately Depart Your Body Without Illness or Pain.
12. You Can Not Die; You Are Everlasting Life.
P.S. It is not necessary for even one other person to understand the Laws of the Universe or the processes that we are offering here in order for you to have a wonderful, happy, productive Life Experience — for you are the attractor of your experience. Just you!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
wednesday
Today is a month to the day when John died.
http://www.digitalspin.com/fall
This video was shot by John of his family- he and my sister Pam and his three children by marriage- Jackson, Emma and Martha- in July 2006. The music, he told me, was original and written by a friend of his, but I know not who to credit for it. I do know that it is perfect with the video.
http://www.digitalspin.com/fall
This video was shot by John of his family- he and my sister Pam and his three children by marriage- Jackson, Emma and Martha- in July 2006. The music, he told me, was original and written by a friend of his, but I know not who to credit for it. I do know that it is perfect with the video.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
John F. Kubricky
Tuesday, August 25, 2009 8:58 PM EDT
LAKE LUZERNE -- John F. Kubricky, 48, of Hall Hill Road, Lake
Luzerne passed away Monday, Aug. 24,2009, at Glens Falls
Hospital after a valiant battle with cancer.
John was born on Nov. 10, 1960, in Glens Falls.
He graduated with highest honors from Adirondack
Community College and attended Embry — Riddle
Aeronautical University where he studied aviation. John was
project superintendent for Kubricky Construction Corp. He
also served as director of John Kubricky and Sons, Inc.,
Kubricky Construction Corp., Duke Concrete Products, Inc.,
and Connect International Corporation’s English Connection
Division. He founded his own company, Digital Spin LLC.
Since the late 1990’s John was chief of IT for Saratoga Direct,
Inc. (SDI), a provider of internet marketing solutions. In that
role he was directly responsible for the development of
leading edge eCommerce programs for clients that included
BMW, Land Rover and MINI. These systems not only provided
users with a flawless online experience but allowed SDI to
integrate product management, ordering and customer
service functionality into the clients’ systems.
His most recent development for the company was a
sophisticated distributed eCommerce system for use by BMW
Motorcycles dealers. The system allowed BMW Motorcycle
dealers to deploy a turn-key, online retail presence, branded
for the dealership that included centrally managed inventory
and product information. The net effect being that the
dealership could present a world-class eCommerce presence
with almost no effort on the part of dealership personnel.
He was also involved in a wide variety of other programs, including development of a complete flexible content
management system for Northeast Health’s online presence. This led to the successful deployment of an online
patient management system for the company’s Primary Care network that let the company streamline
prescription renewals, referrals and physician/patient communications.
His latest project for the company was a centrally managed web presence for dealers in the power sports
market. On completion, this system will allow power sports dealers to manage new and used online inventory
from a centrally managed database, greatly easing a complex administrative task for dealers. General content
for the sites will be easily managed via SDI’s proprietary content management system, which was also
developed under John’s leadership.
John was a beloved hero to his friends and family. He was officially hailed as a hero for saving a child and
father’s life with no thought for his own safety while on his honeymoon in Victoria, British Columbia. He was a
man of multi talents: licensed helicopter and fixed-wing pilot. John was always inventive and innovative. John
believed anything was possible — it simply required time and thought. He wasn’t afraid to jump in and create
something out of nothing, or take on a new challenge with the proper education. For John, it was all about
information. John provided wise counsel to his family and friends. He challenged others to examine their own
beliefs and ideas and sometimes we didn’t like it. His work ethic is shown by all he accomplished in his short life.
John was predeceased by his father by marriage, Jack Mannix, grandparents, John and Rachel Kubricky, and Leo
and Loretta Monahan.
John F. Kubricky :: PostStar.com http://www.poststar.com/articles/2009/08/25/community/announcements/o...
1 of 2 9/23/2009 7:38 AM
John is survived by his loving wife, Pam (Patricia) Mannix; his mother, Joan Kubricky Mannix; father L.H. (Duke,)
Kubricky and his wife, Sharon, three children by marriage: Jackson "Grasshopper" Donnelly, Emmaline "Spike"
Donnelly, and Martha "Miss Martha" Donnelly. He is also survived by his brother, Thomas Kubricky and his wife,
Terri and their son, Derek; his sister, Joanne Kubricky and husband, Peter Shea and their children, Rachel and
John; and siblings by marriage, Elizabeth Klein(Bill), Margi Mannix(Michael), John Mannix(Kathy), Mark
Mannix(Sara) and mother by marriage, Marjorie Mannix. In addition he is survived by numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tuesday morning
Listening to Dr. Christiane Northrup on Wayne Dyer's Hay House radio show and she's talking about healing. She says to heal grief you have to move, use sound and cry your way through it. Dance, music and tears. Sounds reasonable to me.
Vulnerability is our greatest asset. She also said colds are the result of not crying and holding emotion in. I had the worst cold and nose sores I've EVER had the week John died and during his funeral.
A coincidence? I think not..
Vulnerability is our greatest asset. She also said colds are the result of not crying and holding emotion in. I had the worst cold and nose sores I've EVER had the week John died and during his funeral.
A coincidence? I think not..
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thoughts on our own mortality
It appears to be true that we really don't GET that we are going to die. I remember as as teenager thinking that even though adults told us that unprotected sex could result in pregnancy, none of my peers really thought it would happen to us. Me included. And yet we did get pregnant and it shouldn't have been a surprise.....but it was.
Death is the same way. At some level, we vaguely waft around that it's true and yet it never truly seems REAL. In 2005, my mother by marriage Joan, sister Margi and I drove dad (Jack) to Boston for evaluation after his liver cancer was discovered. Mind you, this was after a routine gall bladder surgery where the surgeon noted that the "liver looked funny as he operated on the gall bladder." Funny liver= carcinoma of the liver. Not so funny. Cholangiocarcinoma. This comes from food or water-borne parasite worms such as opisthorchis viverrini - including fluke worms - which reside in the skin of freshwater fish mostly found in northeastern Thailand. HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO??? Did Jack go to Thailnad? i think not. Whatever killed my father was undoubtedly a fluke but a fluke worm? I don't believe so.
Which brings me to timing. For a couple of years before he died, Jack would tell me that he was going to die about the same time as his father. I remember arguing incessantly that because his father had died at 73, that had NOTHING to do when he would expire. His mom had gone at 84. I suggested to him that he take an average if need be, rather than refer to his father's record. He was adamant that it had a bearing. So as his children planned his 75 birthday party at Fort Willliam Henry, he instead checked out at 74 years plus a little. Stinks! It was almost as if he had to PROVE himself RIGHT and leave on his schedule.
Which brings me to John. Did John KNOW that he had made some weird prebirth agreement to check out on the completion of a 12 year cycle at 48 years old or what? It sure seemed to me that he desperately wanted to live and he put every effort into trying any treatment the medical community (the white suits) had to offer. He wasn't flippant or irreverent. He followed the rules. He quit smoking....he worked at survival and yet, here we are Sept 2009 and it wasn't enough.
Can I tell you how much the reality of where we are today sucks? Go figure........
Death is the same way. At some level, we vaguely waft around that it's true and yet it never truly seems REAL. In 2005, my mother by marriage Joan, sister Margi and I drove dad (Jack) to Boston for evaluation after his liver cancer was discovered. Mind you, this was after a routine gall bladder surgery where the surgeon noted that the "liver looked funny as he operated on the gall bladder." Funny liver= carcinoma of the liver. Not so funny. Cholangiocarcinoma. This comes from food or water-borne parasite worms such as opisthorchis viverrini - including fluke worms - which reside in the skin of freshwater fish mostly found in northeastern Thailand. HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO??? Did Jack go to Thailnad? i think not. Whatever killed my father was undoubtedly a fluke but a fluke worm? I don't believe so.
Which brings me to timing. For a couple of years before he died, Jack would tell me that he was going to die about the same time as his father. I remember arguing incessantly that because his father had died at 73, that had NOTHING to do when he would expire. His mom had gone at 84. I suggested to him that he take an average if need be, rather than refer to his father's record. He was adamant that it had a bearing. So as his children planned his 75 birthday party at Fort Willliam Henry, he instead checked out at 74 years plus a little. Stinks! It was almost as if he had to PROVE himself RIGHT and leave on his schedule.
Which brings me to John. Did John KNOW that he had made some weird prebirth agreement to check out on the completion of a 12 year cycle at 48 years old or what? It sure seemed to me that he desperately wanted to live and he put every effort into trying any treatment the medical community (the white suits) had to offer. He wasn't flippant or irreverent. He followed the rules. He quit smoking....he worked at survival and yet, here we are Sept 2009 and it wasn't enough.
Can I tell you how much the reality of where we are today sucks? Go figure........
Wayne Dyer via Carlos Castaneda
In the Active Side of Infinity Castaneda states "The most difficult problem that all "civilized" people seem to have is that we are all in bodies that are going to die but we act as if they're not."
So that the concept of infinity is something that eludes us and because we don't see our infinite nature we get stuck on what he called the inactive side of infinity. and that shift from the inactive side where we come to fear death is troublesome. Because basically, we don't die other people do. And it's ok. We expect our grandparents to die until we become a grandparent. We're not surprised about the people we read about on ferry boat accidents or in explosions. But we deny our own death because we fear it and we fear something that doesn't exist.
Excerpted from Wayne Dyer "The Secrets of the Power of Intention"
So that the concept of infinity is something that eludes us and because we don't see our infinite nature we get stuck on what he called the inactive side of infinity. and that shift from the inactive side where we come to fear death is troublesome. Because basically, we don't die other people do. And it's ok. We expect our grandparents to die until we become a grandparent. We're not surprised about the people we read about on ferry boat accidents or in explosions. But we deny our own death because we fear it and we fear something that doesn't exist.
Excerpted from Wayne Dyer "The Secrets of the Power of Intention"
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Watch Lisa Williams
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/lisa-williams/full-episodes-voices-from-the-other-side/episode-1/video/episode-1-part-1
Scrubs song on tonight's episode
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school
As vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black
And I held my tongue
As she told me, "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about
Because we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday Monday
One of my best friends in Austin, recently got a job after YEARS of not working. As a part time speech pathologist, she can set her own schedule of days to work. I suggested that she NOT work on Monday. Why?? Because Monday is the day I use to reconnoiter- determine my goals for the upcoming five days- and getting organized. The weekend has wound down and it's a time to take stock.
I woke up this morning feeling still NO connection to any healing ability. Bill's lower back is still sporadically whacking out on him, sciatica is bugging his butt and NOTHING is coming from my hands. It's almost as if when John died, my ability or desire to help people died too. Maybe it's the disillusionment of not being able to heal him. Maybe it's anger. Maybe it's the dynamic between Bill and I. Who knows? What I do know is that I want to talk to John as much as Joan does. I want him to tell us what he knows now and where he is and how he is. Is that too much to ask?
Lisa Williams, a medium in LA, who makes a living talking to dead people has a Lifetime TV show. Her show is called Lisa Williams "Life Among the Dead." Bill, my sleuthy spouse, found all of her past episodes are available commercial free to watch on the internet at Hulu.com. Once you start an episode, the parts naturally fill themselves in, if you start at Part 1. I do feel better about John and Dad,watching Lisa, knowing that they are both still conscious in spirit and are as alive I am.
Check it out
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/lisa-williams/full-episodes
I woke up this morning feeling still NO connection to any healing ability. Bill's lower back is still sporadically whacking out on him, sciatica is bugging his butt and NOTHING is coming from my hands. It's almost as if when John died, my ability or desire to help people died too. Maybe it's the disillusionment of not being able to heal him. Maybe it's anger. Maybe it's the dynamic between Bill and I. Who knows? What I do know is that I want to talk to John as much as Joan does. I want him to tell us what he knows now and where he is and how he is. Is that too much to ask?
Lisa Williams, a medium in LA, who makes a living talking to dead people has a Lifetime TV show. Her show is called Lisa Williams "Life Among the Dead." Bill, my sleuthy spouse, found all of her past episodes are available commercial free to watch on the internet at Hulu.com. Once you start an episode, the parts naturally fill themselves in, if you start at Part 1. I do feel better about John and Dad,watching Lisa, knowing that they are both still conscious in spirit and are as alive I am.
Check it out
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/lisa-williams/full-episodes
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Love Hate my Sacred Contracts
I have a love/hate relationship with Caroline Myss- author, medical intuitive, lecturer, teacher. On the one hand, she states some of life's most profound universal Truths- with a capital T- in the most simple, eloquent, clear ways. And for that I love and appreciate her. However, other times, she offers her message in biting, cutting, almost cruel, rattle your cage "don't be a child" disgusted ways. As if not seeing truth from her point of view makes you a babbling idiot prone to sitting in a dark closet, twirling your hair while sucking your thumb. In those slamming moments- I frequently, in spite of my bristling animosity, STILL find Truth. But it's often a bitter pill to swallow.
Example 1
Tuesday, Myss speaking on the subject of CHANGE (the only constant in life) in a lecture on Sacred Contracts (HayhouseRadio.com 9/8/09)
I couldn't help thinking of my sister Pam when I heard this. John is gone and she is alone..FACT FACT FACT....stinks but still fact.
Caroline Myss suggests-
"You’re currently in the cocoon growing wings…on your way to becoming a butterfly
you must shed what is not coming with you now
Everything that’s old has to go…but what is precious to you... stays
All the attitudes that no longer serve you have to go
You are not entitled to know where you are going next
It is the most arrogant thing we can ask as humans,
because it shows not one ounce of trust…
OUCH!! Caroline I hate that!!! We are not entitled to know where we are going next? Entitled or not, we surely DON"T know where life leads next. I wish I could fast forward life into a magic viewfinder to show Pam and Joan that they will come out the other side of the hell they are living today sometime in the future. But no magic screen exists and we are currently comfortless.
One ounce of trust.... What is Faith anyway and do I have any of it?
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.
Honestly, no, not much.
Example 2
Caroline goes onto to say that you can not reason with catastrophe.
"Why did this happen to me?
is the most narcissistic question we can ask.
It assumes that the catastrophe is all about us and it’s not. "
This one I DO get. When John was dying, and knew it, all I could think about was how that must make him feel knowing he was going to poof out shortly. One day he said to me, "After all this, Pam will still have her three kids, friends and her family and what will I have? I'll be dead." Jesus that was so true. For all the pity pot I went on about losing my Dad, ultimately it was Jack who was losing the most. I'm still here breathing, playing another day, seeing another sunrise. The pain I feel for their missed opportunities actually does exceed the pity I feel for myself if only by a hair. And I pray that when I go- it's swift, unexpected and without time think to hard about my death. It borders on cruel to see the freight train coming.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
ILV4FR
Robert signed Janet's Senior high school yearbook in short hand.
He wrote ILV4FR
Shortly after graduation the two were married and Janet bore him a beautiful son, Teddy. Some years later, Robert flew to NY for a job interview, from which he called with exciting news, he had been hired.
Tragically, he never arrived home. He was killed by a drunk driver. Several months later Janet's funds were dwindling, and her life looked hopeless. 4 year old Teddy was drawing with crayons one day and he said matterifactly "DADDY! " The boy wrote ILV4FR in shorthand.....followed by MDTNBK34STBX1142. Janet took the paper into Robert's business partner and together they decoded Mid town Bank on 34th Street.
Remembering Robert's business trip, Janet dipped into her small savings and flew to NY. There she found Mid Town Bank and learned that Robert had a safe deposit box in which she found a life insurance policy for $200,000.
Our friend Alan Cohen states "A very thin veil separates the physical world from the world of spirit." While everything on the earth seems solid it is interpenetrated with other dimensions. If necessary, we can communicate with those in spirit and they with us. Love has the power to span dimensions. If you have a dream or sensation of departed loved ones, it is likely that you are in their field and they in your field of consciousness. Open your mind and heart to a greater universe and be blessed by love from all dimensions. We can't be blessed by too much love...
Story excerpted from a Sunday sermon-August 9, 2009- given by Rev. Steve Bolen-Unity Church of the Hills- Austin, Texas
He wrote ILV4FR
Shortly after graduation the two were married and Janet bore him a beautiful son, Teddy. Some years later, Robert flew to NY for a job interview, from which he called with exciting news, he had been hired.
Tragically, he never arrived home. He was killed by a drunk driver. Several months later Janet's funds were dwindling, and her life looked hopeless. 4 year old Teddy was drawing with crayons one day and he said matterifactly "DADDY! " The boy wrote ILV4FR in shorthand.....followed by MDTNBK34STBX1142. Janet took the paper into Robert's business partner and together they decoded Mid town Bank on 34th Street.
Remembering Robert's business trip, Janet dipped into her small savings and flew to NY. There she found Mid Town Bank and learned that Robert had a safe deposit box in which she found a life insurance policy for $200,000.
Our friend Alan Cohen states "A very thin veil separates the physical world from the world of spirit." While everything on the earth seems solid it is interpenetrated with other dimensions. If necessary, we can communicate with those in spirit and they with us. Love has the power to span dimensions. If you have a dream or sensation of departed loved ones, it is likely that you are in their field and they in your field of consciousness. Open your mind and heart to a greater universe and be blessed by love from all dimensions. We can't be blessed by too much love...
Story excerpted from a Sunday sermon-August 9, 2009- given by Rev. Steve Bolen-Unity Church of the Hills- Austin, Texas
Post Labor Day 2009
You Don't know Jack or John.
Really you don't.......................
and that is your loss.
How can I explain the indescribable?
Funny, quick, witty, comedian, raconteur, magician, dad, loving, lovely. The adjectives could go on into infinity and they wouldn't begin to touch the surface of who this human being is.
I miss you Dad..........and wish we could talk, really talk. Not the one sided soliloquy that our conversation has become since April 30th, 2006.
And John..
John Francis Kubricky taken so young, at only 48, just weeks ago. Who really knows you either?
Only the good die young- we've heard it before- know plenty of examples where that's true. But losing you is a big one and cuts deep. What you accomplished in your short cycle of life. What you might have done had you stayed with us longer.
And now what are we to do with the memories of the two of you? How can we share the gifts you are? How can we keep your memory and legacies alive? How do we keep you present?
There are answers to those questions. The mere act of asking, starts the response rolling toward us. I await a clear reply.
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